REVIEW: Orbit Beach by Jane Etarie

Title: Orbit Beach

Author: Jane Etarie

ISBN: 9780988051508

Publish date: April 29th 2012 by Murder Island Press

Rating: 3 1/2 stars

Synopsis from Goodreads: After losing her car and boyfriend on the same day, the disturbed young narrator sets into motion a plot to better her life. Conceive, believe, achieve— no matter what the method.

Haven’t you just had one of those days where nothing goes right? Your car gets stolen and your boyfriend of five months breaks up with you via text message. What does a normal, sane person do? Call the cops and break out the Ben and Jerry’s. Not this girl (the main character), instead she breaks out the vodka and becomes convinced that she and her “Boo” are cosmologically meant to be together. How does she keep him? She pulls out the old “I’m pregnant” card.

The author is brilliant, and I truly mean brilliant, in making me hate the main character. And not just a litle hate, a real bone-deep hate, making me want to throw my e-reader against the wall, get into the book and slap her, shake her, smack her! She has to be one of the most self-centered, shallow, adolescent IDIOTS that I’ve ever have the experience of meeting through a book. And if I had to read “like” one more time, I really was going to dive into my e-reader and smack her.

But I’m constantly questioning, after her rather interesting methods of trying to become pregnant, if indeed she was successful in her endeavors. That question isn’t really answered until the very end, and I’m not going to ruin it for you.

I have to say, I was hoping with every flip of the page, that the pregnancy would change the main character. Evolve her from something we would see on Maury Povich or Jerry Springer, to something we could see on, say, Lifechangers with Dr. Drew.

So, thank you to the author for making such a memorable character. Every time I think my life is screwed up, I can sit back and sigh in relief that I really am a normal person.

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